I'm Done

For the past few years, I've been on a quest to earn my White Scarf, but no more. I've realized that in my quest, I'd become someone I don't particularly like and - even worse - I'd stopped having fun.

I was trying to ingratiate myself with people I didn't particularly like. I was refusing to help people I call friends. And I found myself hating friends for the recognitions they'd earned. In short, trying to become a White Scarf turned me into an asshole.

Don't get me wrong, this is nothing against the White Scarves, this is about me. This is about my personal greed. And the realization that if I'd continued down that path, I'd never truly be a White Scarf, no matter what honors or recognitions I earned.

So I'm done with my quest. It's time to go back to what I loved about fencing in the first place: the fencing. And nurturing our younger fencers. And watching them grow until they exceed their teachers.

I do still hope to someday be offered the White Scarf, but if I'm not, I'm not. I have to be true to myself, and I have to be true to my honor. Anything else is just window dressing.

And since this blog was conceived as a tool to help me achieve my White Scarf, I think it's time to retire it. Perhaps someday I'll revisit it with purer motivation, perhaps not. I just hope that this little experiment has done more good than harm.

So for now, I'll leave you.

In Service to the Dream,

Gebeider Matheus de Petyn, Order of the Gold Scarf
Castelleone Nuovo, Artemisia